Field Notes
I am not a field dog.
I do not hunt.
I do not retrieve.
I have no interest in camping.
I do not enjoy getting wet.
The closest I have come to field work is standing on the front lawn of a Ritz-Carlton hotel.
I spend considerable time observing human behavior.
The following notes summarize my findings thus far.
— Yoko
Field Note #29
The human spent 90 minutes choosing a typeface.
The typeface was Helvetica.
— Yoko
Field Note #38
The human has a book club meeting to attend.
Food leaves the house. I am abandoned.
— Yoko
Field Note #26
The human wondered if we need HBO Max and Netflix and Apple TV.
It is my rule to ignore patently stupid questions.
— Yoko
Field Note #17
The holiday cards are mailed in December.
Production begins in June.
— Yoko
Field Note #9
The human is obsessed with museum mugs.
The coffee tastes no different in the MoMA mug.
— Yoko
Field Note #3
The human believes that I appreciate being roused from a nap to take a car trip to Whole Foods.
The human mistakes errands for adventure.
— Yoko
Field Note #12
The museum was closed.
The human went anyway.
— Yoko
Field Note #14
The human informs me I do not like Chinese food.
I’m watching for other signs of early dementia.
— Yoko
Field Note #43
The human completed a project.
A new project was immediately identified.
— Yoko
Field Note #18
The human purchased another book.
There were already many books.
— Yoko
Field Note #31
No, I will not be wearing a “Go, Big Red” sweater from Cornell.
It’s acrylic.
— Yoko
Field Note #22
The human announced she was taking the afternoon off.
A notebook was brought.
— Yoko
Field Note #7
The human refers to something called "wrapping up."
No wrapping has been observed.
— Yoko
Field Note #45
The human disputed my culinary preferences.
This development was noted and serious shade was thrown.
— Yoko
Field Note #24
Apparently there is such a thing as non-organic chicken.
This is deeply troubling.
— Yoko
Field Note #52
The children’s book has required editorial supervision.
I accepted the responsibility.
— Yoko
Field Note #62
The human suspected that I was under the weather, so she took me to the vet.
I was grateful — briefly — but do not wish to give her any big ideas about who is in charge around here.
— Yoko
Field Note #5
The human believes that every visitor arrives hoping to meet me.
I see no reason to dispute this assumption.
— Yoko
Field Note #35
The human informed me that I now have a digital footprint.
It never dawned on me to think otherwise.
— Yoko
Field Note #16
The human expected me to tinkle outside in the rain.
We are not on speaking terms at the moment.
— Yoko
Field Note #2
The human photographs me constantly and oohs and ahs over the result.
What part of me being a knockout is surprising to her?
— Yoko
Field Note #40
According to the American Kennel Club, I am a Non-Sporting breed dog.
W. T. actual F.
— Yoko
Field Note #69
Instagram reported that a story had been viewed.
The significance of this development remained unclear to me.
— Yoko
Field Note #56
The human continues to discuss moving to NYC.
Unless it's a doorman building on the Upper West Side, I'm not interested.
— Yoko
Field Note #38
The human returned home carrying lobster.
I allowed her several minutes to make the correct decision. She did not.
I am reviewing my options.
— Yoko
Field Note #49
The human asked me, "What are your hopes for the book I wrote about you?"
I answered truthfully, of course. “I hope someone drops a piece of cheese while reading it."
— Yoko
Field Note #57
The human stared at document for several hours. Became increasingly excited.
No treats were produced.
I am left feeling the effects of an existential quandary.
— Yoko